Will the Real Redheaded Step-Child Please Stand Up
Her Story of Coping with Teasing and Trauma
Where are all my redheaded friends who were step-children growing up and/or were just teased as if they were?
The Origin and Background of the Redheaded Step-Child:
The term "redheaded step-child" dates back to the 1800s with Irish settlers. It refers to someone unwanted, mistreated, and neglected. I’ve had my fill of that charming little phrase, “I'll beat you like a redheaded step-child,” which implies a very severe beating. Lovely, right?
Stereotypes:
Growing up in the '70s and '80s was a different beast. Teasing wasn't bullying; it was just another part of the day. Adults would brush it off with gems like, “Everyone gets teased,” “Kids will be kids,” and my personal favorite, “Don’t pay attention to it.” Oh, the wisdom.
Her Story: The Real Redheaded Step-Child
With her bright orange hair, she was the target of every joke in the book. To add to the punchline, she was perpetually shuffled between homes. A hallmark of the era’s rising divorce rates. She was the real redheaded step-child, times six! More step-parents meant more abandonment issues, neglect, and abusive behavior.
Constantly uprooted by changing schools and adjusting to numerous step-parents and step-siblings, she felt the sting of being both outwardly different and inwardly unsettled. The cycle of abuse and instability followed her from one home and school to the next, leaving her feeling forever out of place.
Every new school brought a fresh batch of new kids, same jokes. She heard it all: “I’d rather be dead than red on the head,” “Carrot top,” and all the countless other insults.
First Day of School:
She remembers one particular day in middle school as if it happened yesterday. She had just started at yet another new school, and the thought of being teased again felt like a heavy knot in her stomach, tightening with every step she took
As she walked into the classroom, she could feel the collective gaze of every student piercing through her. Her bright orange hair seemed to blaze like a neon sign, screaming for unwanted attention. A cluster of kids immediately huddled together, their whispers and sideway glances turning her into the object of their mockery—the new girl with the hideous red hair.
Lunchtime was no sanctuary; it was a stage for her isolation. She settled into the farthest corner of the cafeteria, clinging desperately to the hope of becoming invisible. But really, what was she thinking? With red hair, she might as well have been a human target. A boy approached, his smirk betraying the cruelty beneath. “Hey, Carrot Top, did you get lost on your way to the circus?” he sneered. Her face burned with embarrassment as she fought back the tears.
As the other kids laughed, it was like a heavy stone settled in her chest, dragging her into an overwhelming void of loneliness. This wasn’t the first time she’d felt this suffocating weight, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last. The hope of finding a place where she truly belonged felt like chasing the wind—always just beyond her grasp, no matter how hard she tried to reach it.
That night, tears soaked her pillow as she wished desperately to disappear into the shadows. But even at home, comfort was a distant dream. Her step-siblings’ cruel teasing pierced through the walls of her sanctuary, while the adults, with a cold and indifferent scorn, would bark, “I’ll give you something to cry about.”
But as time went on, she realized that her unique appearance was something to be proud of. It took years of self-discovery, therapy, and supportive friends to build her confidence.
Coping with Teasing and Trauma:
Addiction and Recovery: After a failed suicide attempt in high school, her coping mechanisms took a nosedive into various addictions. Thankfully, recovery became her new path, and she continues her healing journey to this day.
Healing Methods: Humor, therapy, connection, and not taking things personally have been her lifelines. She acknowledges the journey, is able to laugh at the absurdity now, and embraces the healing that comes from these experiences.
Resilience and Strength: Why do you think redheads have a reputation for having a temper? You would too if you had to defend yourself against relentless B.S. because of the color of your hair.
Unfortunately, everyone gets made fun of. But this isn’t about pity or dismissing others’ experiences. We’re not here to compare because everyone’s experience is valid.
Will the Real Redheaded Step-Child Please Stand Up
Are you standing up? To all my fellow redheaded step-children (and honorary ones), let's stand up and own our stories. We're more than our hair color and past traumas. We’re survivors, thrivers, and yes, occasionally short-tempered. But above all, we're strong. Never let the world dull that fiery redheaded spirit.
Have you ever felt like you were constantly trying to find your place, only to feel lost all over again? I'd love to hear your experiences.
Lori K Today is a lifestyle publication reflecting on life with GenX humor, Ginger Sass, and all Heart. Sharing mostly short stories, derived from my life and/or my imagination.
So relatable! As an adult, I always get asked if I’m crazy or throw dishes when I’m angry. 🙄🙄🙄 And then of course there’s everyone’s favorite question about carpet and drapes. 🤦🏻♀️ (And don’t get me started on the fact that there’s no redheaded facepalm emoji).
I've never heard the term "red-headed stepchild". I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that. Having been a teacher, I think young children are more accepting of differences these days, although there'll always be that one bully who for whatever reason chooses to be mean. And it's awful because words leave scars just like physical blows.