Spinning Thoughts

Photo by blueberry Maki on Unsplash

I’ve learned enough over the years through therapy and self-awareness to know the ‘why’ behind some of my spinning thoughts.

One of them is how I feel uncomfortable when things seem to be going somewhat well in my life. Why I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak. That trauma response is a hard one to let go of.

However, I’m mentally prepared for the good and the bad to happen in my life now. One of the things I do is practice wishful gratitude.

For example:

The good: My daily thoughts of gratitude consist of saying it as if I live it AND saying it because I live it.

Because I live it, I am grateful for our health, hot showers, clean drinking water, a roof over our head, the food in our bellies, etc.

As if I live it, I’m grateful that I have more than a one bedroom, one closet home with a basement, an attack, and a garage for my teen to have their own bedroom.

Although that isn’t what we have, it is what I desire and hope to accomplish before my teen graduates.

My spinning thought process for the good is that perhaps if I say it enough and continue to work toward it, it will become a reality.

Some day.

The bad: When will I be priced out of my home and become homeless again? When will the other shoe drop?

My taxes unexpectedly jumped in April to $227. more a month. The plumbing in a 1920’s home has been costing me more than my budget allows since I signed on the dotted line 2 years ago. And we all feel the cost jump of everything else right now.

My spinning thought process for the bad is that if I dwell on this, it will happen. I’ve been homeless before, I will survive it again. I will do what it takes to keep the roof over our heads. I will NOT dwell on this. I know that Gods got my back.

What tools do you use to help with this trauma response of waiting for the other shoe to drop?

Brining you sporadic non-conventional publications. A non-professional perspective on life from a Genx ginger hermit with CPTSD.