Addictions, Labels, and Diagnosis Oh My: Re-Directing Pain
Jumping from addiction to addiction, masking until finding the root.
What to Expect from this Story:
Uncovering the Connections: Between addictions, labels, and diagnosis.
Understanding PTSD: How it affects coping strategies.
Alcohol and Addiction: How substance abuse can be a response to trauma.
Transitioning from Cigarettes to Food: Exploring new coping mechanisms.
Finding the Root of Her Pain: How recognizing patterns can lead to healing.
Her Story: Diagnosis and Its Impact
Arms folded and legs crossed, she sat in disbelief as the therapist delivered the diagnosis with unsettling calm. His eyes, fixed in that matter-of-fact glare, made her question his credentials. The room felt like a sanctuary of peace, a stark contrast to the storm raging in her mind—a whirlwind of fear, doubt, and confusion.
The diagnosis? PTSD. The letters hung in the air, foreign and heavy. She struggled to wrap her head around it. PTSD was something she associated with battle-scarred veterans—figures of grit and heroism whose traumas were etched in the vivid hues of war. Compared to that, her pain felt like a pale imitation, lacking the legitimacy of their scars. She couldn’t help but wonder, ‘Could my struggles even be real?’
The therapist’s voice sliced through the chaos in her mind, anchoring her to the present, his words a lifeline in the swirling sea of her thoughts. “You’ve been through more than you give yourself credit for,” he said, shifting his glare to an understanding concern. “It’s not uncommon for those with PTSD to turn to substances as a way to cope. Have you ever thought about how your relationship with alcohol fits into this?”
She blinked, taken aback. “Alcohol?” she echoed, the word feeling oddly distant, as if it belonged to someone else’s story.
“Yes,” he continued. “You mentioned blackouts and drinking heavily in your twenties. It’s possible that alcohol became a way to manage the overwhelming emotions, even if you didn’t realize it at the time.”
The idea of masking her pain with alcohol wasn’t entirely new, but hearing it spoken out loud with such clarity landed like a sucker punch. Her relationship with alcohol had always been murky—a complicated mess of youthful recklessness and sporadic blackouts. These episodes blurred into a haze of “just having a good time,” a coping mechanism society easily forgave, especially in the context of youth.
“I never thought of myself as an alcoholic,” she confessed, the words tumbling out before she could stop them. “It wasn’t like I was drinking every day. It was more… situational. Social. But maybe you’re right. Maybe it was more than that.”
The therapist nodded, his expression thoughtful. “Labels can be tricky. They can help us understand our experiences, but they can also limit us. What’s important is recognizing the patterns and how they’ve affected you.”
Re-Directing Her Pain: Alcohol and Beyond
The conversation opened a door she hadn’t known was there, a door leading to a deeper understanding of how she had been managing her pain all these years. The jagged edge of being branded an alcoholic had never touched her, but the reality was more complex. Her occasional blackouts and reckless drinking in her younger years were signs of something deeper—a way to drown out the chaos that had shaped her life.
“I guess I’ve always been trying to find a way to cope,” she murmured, almost to herself. “From cigarettes to alcohol, and even food.”
“Food?” the therapist asked, his curiosity piqued.
“Yeah,” she said, nodding slowly. “When I finally quit smoking, my nutritionist suggested I look into my diet. They said it might help with my mental health, too. At first, it seemed like a distraction, something to focus on so I wouldn’t think about smoking. But then I started to realize how much my food choices were affecting me.”
The more she explored the world of nutrition, the more she saw how food became another coping mechanism, a way to replace the void left by cigarettes. The supermarket, once a place of convenience, turned into a maze of choices, each one with the potential to impact her well-being. High fructose corn syrup, artificial additives, processed snacks—they were all traps, keeping her in a cycle of poor health and a poor mental state.
“So, you used food as a replacement?” her therapist asked, piecing it together.
“At first, yeah,” she admitted. “But then it became more than that. I realized that for the first time, I was reclaiming control—not just over what I ate, but over how I chose to care for myself, transforming each meal into an act of healing rather than just survival. I started to see it as a way to take control, to do something good for myself. It wasn’t just about not smoking—it was about really taking care of myself in a way I hadn’t before.”
In those moments, the flavors of her past began to blend together, revealing how each vice had been an ingredient in the complex recipe of trauma and survival. Seasoned into the very essence of who she was. Food became not just a necessity, but a conscious choice—a new way to navigate the aftermath of chaos, abuse, and addiction.
“It sounds like you’ve been on quite a journey,” her therapist said, a small smile of encouragement on his lips. “And you’re still on it. But you’re moving in the right direction.”
She nodded, feeling a sense of clarity. Her journey toward healing wasn’t just about quitting cigarettes, alcohol, or junk food. It was about understanding the roots of her pain, the labels that had been slapped on her—or that she had slapped on herself—and choosing to live beyond them. It was about recognizing that her story, though different from that of a battle-scarred veteran, was no less real or deserving of compassion.
Have you uncovered the root of your mask?
Lori K Today is a lifestyle publication reflecting on life with GenX humor, Ginger Sass, and all Heart. Sharing mostly short stories, derived from my life and/or my imagination.
This is very good and accurate. Addiction is more than non-addicts seem able to understand.
There's so many things we can use to numb. Addiction can come in many forms