Is it my menopausal depression, clinical depression, CPTSD, or all three? Does it really matter what the label is? I guess it would if we were deciphering whether it’s just the blues, feeling sad, or actual depression.
I saw a post on social media the other day that said, “Tell me that you don’t have depression without telling me you don’t have depression”. The comments were on point!
Mine felt like it came from out of the blue again. Or did it? Maybe it was creeping up on me as I faced some challenging times this week. Maybe I was just disassociating until it finally hit me from ‘out of the blue’.
Who knows.
I spontaneously wrote the following post on Substack notes before I went to bed. I thought it might be a good poem. However, not being an expert in writing or poetry, I didn’t label it.
Menopausal Depression Poem
I feel it coming on
Stupid depression
I’ve fought with it all day long
It doesn’t fight fair
Maybe it will ease up on me after a good nights rest
Please let me sleep
Good night
Reaching Out
I reluctantly reached out to a good friend, texting that I felt sad. They asked if I walked today. No, I didn’t.
Even though it was after 9 p.m., there was still a little light left. So, I strolled in my flip flops and pajamas up my street.
Then they video dialed me...
The balls!
Well, I answered and I’m glad I did. It helped a little and a little help is better than no help.
The next day was still not the greatest, but I did what I could do to get by. It didn’t help that my vertigo came a knockin’ like a big ol brick of dynamite. Luckily, I already had a therapy appointment scheduled.
I’ll get by, it’s what we do.
Seeking professional help is courageous.
Have you experienced menopausal depression?
Your favorite GenX ginger hermit with CPTSD. Reflecting on life with humor. Offering sporadic unconventional lifestyle publications.
*Photo by Lori K
I think I am experiencing (menopausal) depression now. I just fell into a hole for a few days, brain fog, no way out. Trying all the tools I have, Human contact appears to be the big one for me.
I can't say I relate to menopausal depression, but depression and cptsd. I'm glad to hear your friend helped a little, it's not easy to push through the depression especially while dissasociating, if someone hasn't felt that, they can't understand how far we can drift. It feels too cliche or not enough to say that I believe in you and your ability to deal with this but also don't want that to sound like you can't just let yourself feel it or can't help it. It's okay not to be okay. But I do hope tomorrow is more than okay for you. I'm so glad you shared poetry, it's hard to label as such when you don't feel like an actual poet. I'm rambling now but remember you are seen, heard and appreciated.