Living in town as a hermit is difficult for so many reasons. Especially when you’d much prefer living in a cave far far and away from others.
You see, when you’re in a neighborhood smack dabe in the middle of a town (albeit a small town) there’s a vibration that plugs you into others. An energy that’s unescappable.
There's all the cars going by the house, the dogs barking, the kids screaming, the siren going off every night for curfew, street lights, bonfires, and the list goes on and on.
“When the day is long and the night is yours alone”. - By REM and the song Everybody Hurts happens to be playing as I start to write about my experience on a late Saturday night.
Isn't it ironic, dontcha think?
It's gratifying to step outside of my small homey cave at dusk to take in the breeze from a long hot productive day. To sit back and enjoy the hard work I've done in my yard lately.
However, before I even make it to my old worn-out chair, I’m stopped in my tracks. Slapped with the towns vibrations with just one step outside.
There are kids screaming just across the street, as they play games and jump on their trampoline.
There's a strong bonfire smell that triggers my memory. My sweet 20 something year old neighbor approached me this afternoon as I was cleaning my shed. She said, “we're having a few friends over later if you’d like to join us”.
There I am. Just standing there. Frozen on that one step I dared to take outside of my home. Contemplating my next move. If I take one more step, I’ll be seen.
The kids that my kiddo play with across the street will say hi and ask where they are. The kids are sweet, but I just want some alone time with nature.
My neighbors might invite me over (hard swallow) to socialize. They are kind, but I really just want to be alone tonight.
All this wouldn't be happening if I were living in a cave far far and away from town.
I decide to head back in without being noticed. I have a sad aching pit brewing in my belly and my hair already reeks of smoke from the bonfire.
I begin to add to my list of first world problems in my head.
My teenager is with their dad this weekend and is enjoying the carnival with friends today. I wish I were there to witness the fun.
Not wanting to be in public, but still wanting to see my child's childhood. I just love seeing my baby have fun! But it's their time with their dad.
Besides that's the last thing they want is for me to embarrass them in front of their friends and take photos. But last year when I took them, it warmed my heart to see them have so much fun!
Although I'd much prefer living in a cave in far far and away land, this environment is what's best for my child right now.
With a more secluded area though, I could enjoy sitting on my side porch without being noticed by neighbors. There wouldn't be all the noises, lights, unwanted smells, and people.
Don’t get me wrong, I like some people… sometimes. But when I want to sit on my side porch alone, I have better odds of doing so in a far far and away cave.
Of course, I'm filled with gratitude no matter where I live. All that really matters is the precious moments I get to share with my child. No matter where, when, how, or why, time flies on by with just a blink of an eye. And I'm cherishing every single solitary one of those precious moments.
Perhaps tomorrow, if they go to the carnival, I’ll see if I can meet up with them just to watch my kiddo have some fun.
Stay tuned… Part 2 is called A new Day with a Teenager
Do you enjoy the environment you inhabit?
Your favorite GenX ginger hermit with CPTSD reflecting on life @/ humor. Offering sporadic unconventional lifestyle publications.
*First Photo by Tom Rumble on Unsplash
*Second Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash
Oh, that’s good you have some solitude.
Our old house sits awkwardly on a corner of 2 roads with no fence. 3 of our neighbors are an eyes view from our patio with the other across the other side of the street can still see into our yard. Hoping for a fence one day.
Luckily I’ve always lived in Neighborhoods because of my child. Although he’s very social, he’s like me when it comes to his trampoline. He doesn’t want to be seen on it. Some day… fence.
Thanks so much for commenting, I appreciate you!!
I could relate to so much of that. Wanting quiet and solitude. We live off of a busy road, but the back yard is quiet and are lucky it is backed up to a golf course. In the summer we can't see the gc and that's fine with me, with the leaves we have a lot of privacy. It's just our 98 year-old neighbor and the other side a 30 something business owner, but lots of treed too. When my son was growing up I used to wished we lived in a development or in town with kids his age around. I had to drive to every playdate